I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
COCAINE IS GR8
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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