weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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