yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
