my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
