everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
