it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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