I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
