Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
