Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i love accidental penises.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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