Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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