He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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