woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
