do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
