sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He? As in you personified your dick?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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