one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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