At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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