Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
