3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
