Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
