please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You made out with two different species that night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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