Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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