i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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