eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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