He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
