Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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