he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
