I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
