so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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