I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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