this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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