Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
