Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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