So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
