so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
