so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
