Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
