What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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