im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
only you would photoshop your dick
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
