How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
