He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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