I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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