so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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