I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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