There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
