Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
