I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
