It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
