pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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