maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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