I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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