How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
