so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
