some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
