Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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