Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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