I don't think brook has ever known best
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
