why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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