Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
