he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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