I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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