Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
