Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I FOUND THE LEGS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
