question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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