After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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