Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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