I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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