If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am mentally ready for anal.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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