How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
