I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ambien. No doubt about it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
