I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
