You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
