you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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