I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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