he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
