too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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