I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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