Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
