If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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