Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
