It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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